swans / baby dee / lily fawn
01-10-2010
metropolis, montreal
this show was something else, less due to the acts and more due to my own hormone therapy, codependent and stress induced loopiness.
the plan - unannounced to me by the friends that planned it, as is often the case - was for me to head down to montreal with them the night before to see liars, stay the night, blah blah blah. i had to break it to them that i promised my sister i'd stay in town, although that was really an excuse to avoid the liars show; the plan was to hitch in...
....but as it turns out, a friend's brother was heading into the show, so i ended up hitching a ride with him. i sat in the back with a charming young lady that i'd only met a few times but seemed to know a scary amount about me due to being close to essentially everybody that i've ever been close to, and amongst other things something that came up was that one of my oldest friends (one i hadn't talked to in a while) was dating a girl with the same name as my ex-fiancee, who i was in a bit of a fight with at that time. it wasn't her fault, but this set me off....my mindset was fucked up enough that i was able to simultaneously *know* it wasn't her (she's actually practically married now) and yet somehow *trick* myself into believing it was. from that point on, i was looking forward to getting to spend the night with her, my dearest friend, once again...to throw the silly fight out the window...to have a fun time for a change, not a difficult encounter consisting of a tired, bitchy mommy aiming frustrated emotional darts at an old, safe target...
we got lost and made it there for the last five minutes of lily fawn. i ran into the venue and did a quick search and i could have sworn that i saw her sitting over in the corner.
yet, if it was her, and of course it wasn't, she was wearing an outfit i'd have never have expected her to put on; it seemed as though she was in disguise, waiting for me to show up and not wanting me to know she was there. i walked by....made eye contact...
when you know somebody well, you can read her eyes and her eyes said "no; not right now, j. just not now.". so, i just walked on by....
..but it threw me into an even loopier state, if that was possible.
baby dee came on a few minutes later, and who was the violin player? it didn't matter to me at the time that she hasn't played her violin since she was a kid or that there's no way she could possibly be on tour with swans....it was her....even though i knew it wasn't...
....so, i positioned myself in her direct line of sight so that she could see me, so that she would know i was there. what ran through my mind was a question: why didn't she tell me she was playing violin and opening up for swans? didn't she think i'd be proud of her? i wanted her to know i was proud, so i stared at her and i smiled...
...but, then i got a closer look at the player behind the music stand and understood that it wasn't her, as i had known all along.
there was a long wait for swans that i mostly spent by myself, listening to the music over the PA, baked, zoning out, trying to forget about her...
when swans hit the stage, the whole place started shaking. the material was mostly new and exclusively aggressive, which most people in the audience seemed to find appealing but that i thought was a bit disappointing given that i'm more into the experimental and ambient side of the act, but i honestly can't complain about the show itself; they played a long set, they did everything right...i'd just have chosen different, or at least more varied, material to play. i've seen gira twice, but swans broke up when i was 16. i'm glad i got the chance to see the show.
the venue seemed to be an old converted opera-house, one that looked like it was about to cave in. when the floor started rumbling, i became convinced the whole place was going to collapse, became a little claustrophobic and had to get out of the middle of the room...
in hindsight, i'm glad i did because the view was better from a distance.
...and who was that sitting up in the balcony watching me?
a treacherous experience, but one no doubt fitting for a swans show. it'd actually probably make a great music video.
there is a little bit of footage from montreal up top, but i've also pasted together a full set that is entirely from new york except for the fifth track, which is from toronto: