lightning bolt / dan deacon
13-10-2010
le cabaret du mile end, montreal
the important thing about this show was not the show itself, it's that it represents the point where a few of my friends met jessica for the first time, after fifteen years of friendship, and decided that they couldn't handle it at all. it's consequently one of the most important days of my life.
it wasn't news to them; they've both known for ten years. however, they'd never actually seen it before...
they picked me up outside my apartment to find me in a pair of little jeans, a red tank top (yes, i know about layers...) with a tiny bit of cleavage and quite a bit of makeup. it's a two hour drive....
...nobody said anything (about it) until we got there and one of them felt the need to blurt out "that's just the way he is!". see, the thing is that nobody would have known had he not said anything...
...but he did say something, and at that point i was dealing with the stares. lightning bolt isn't sepultra, but it's not david bowie, either. i understand the difference between staring due to curiosity and staring due to hate, and what i felt was the former from everybody except security. after all, i wasn't in a gay bar.
nonetheless, the stares drove me right to the bar and it wasn't long before i was hammed, as is the ritual. in hindsight, i think that what made one of the two friends uncomfortable was primarily the fact that there were four of us there: friend, friend's girl, other friend and me. to the average casual, outside observer, it may very well have seemed as though the group i was in was composed of two couples. i can't take responsibility for that discomfort.
i took off from the table to dance for dan deacon, who was a great deal of fun to dance to because the pit hadn't turned rowdy yet. in fact, i managed to find a couple of very curious girls to dance with before their respective boytoys came and took them away, with somewhat of an accusing glare. but, it wasn’t my fault that they approached me….
i believe that that level of comfort dancing to dan deacon created a false sense of security that dissipated when the pit erupted five minutes into lightning bolt as i found myself catching the same girls i was previously dancing with, who were unfortunately being knocked down in the trample to the front of the stage. sadly, the security at this bar then exposed itself as blatantly transphobic; it keyed on me as some kind of problem due to my outfit, right at the very moment that people needed to get out of the pit. there’s a code in the pit: you try not to let people fall down, and you pick them up when they do. my attire was not relevant. but, security seemed more interested in saving the girls from being molested by the tranny (who was actually doing an admirable job in helping people to safety, due to her substantial upper arm strength from years of bicycling) than it did in helping them get out of a pit that erupted without warning. montreal is both a very progressive place and a very conservative place, depending on what class you’re born into.
it was the first pit i've been in since being on hormones, and i have to admit a much different sensation attached to being crushed between sweaty guys as well as being treated rather differently altogether. hey, i went in there - the consensus seemed to be that i'd have to deal with the consequences of that decision. yet, i didn't have to deal with being singled out due to the nin shirt, either, as i had been multiple times previously.
they didn't play on the floor, which was a downer. however, it was a good mix of new and old and the sound was solid. if i have a complaint, it's that the show seemed too short...but i'd say that they're still worth going to see.
they haven't spoken to me since. in hindsight, i shouldn't be surprised.